Hi diary, guess it’s about that time yeah? I’ve been told I should write this week, to take time to do something I want. It’s all falling apart, it all feels fucked and I’m so frustrated, I’m so angry, I’m so irritable the more I speak the less I feel the rawness and it just ebbs and radiates from me. I am really trying to convince myself that I’m wrong, that I’m not fucked, but it keeps coming back and I keep getting kicked when I’m down. I don’t want to spend another year on this. A year, can you believe it? A whole 12 months. I just want things to be okay. I am tired of being sad, I am tired of being surrounded by ghosts, being unable to cry. I don’t know why I won’t let it out, I know it’s me. I know it’s just me being afraid to cry.

Funny how a single screw can be the straw that turns blue days sour. I just don’t want all this to be for nothing diary, I’m tired of the soft rejection and I want a win that I can control. I probably am tired too.