Been about almost two weeks huh? Hard to believe, I got caught up in some major whirlwinds and kinda let the diary slip, I’ve been working on art, truthfully I feel off balance on progress. I feel like I’ve kinda shelled myself off emotionally, too much action, too much mental density. I’ve been fixating on smoking again, typical self destructive old ego. I started dressing like,well me, I even went all out for no reason recently, pretty sick yeah? I need more skirts, sometimes I’m noticing that if a fabric or shape is mismatched it ruins a cohesive outfit, wonder what’s going on in my head to cause these changes. The daydreams are getting odd too, still positive and dreamy but more grounded. You remember how my rooms been for months? Art not put up, stupid clutter? I cleaned it all up for therapy appointments and honestly now it feels like such a grounded hub. I think I was running from my own space, even myself.
I slept on it, but ultimately it doesn’t seem to really help. Seems my current mode is fixated on, well, being separate. I don’t think I’m in a bad mood, nor really an ecstatic bombastic one, in a way I feel…. neutral? I have my same dreams, hopes, and there’s also a slight nagging of memories but I can’t exactly feel or engage with them. Off-topic but sometimes I wonder if candles are a scam, they’re just about the most dogshit way to freshen up a room, or get a scent at all. I did it diary, I started working on my emotional piece, then I started drawing well, you guessed it, Danganronpa HAHAHA. Lately though I’ve been challenging myself to yknow, not be stuck on only one thing. I’m back on a electro-noise kick, I went through Nirvanas discog again, I just don’t think their quality is super consistent. Sneaker Pimps is selling that “lost” feeling I’ve got lately. Do you think girls get told they have puppy dog eyes? Well, I’m meandering but I guess lately that writing buzz hasn’t sunken in. So excited to draw my core.