Diary 6/24/22 Eight days till Anime-Expo
Heyhey Diary, I was spending so much time busy on a dopamine rush that now that I’m crashing I think it’s appropriate to talk to you. Lately my daydreams have been a lot more vivid, feels like my spirals are a lot easier to control too, I catch myself all the time. I catch myself thinking about others, memories, conversations that never happen, Anime-Expo’s in eight days and yknow I didn’t hate how I looked in the Junko top! It’s gonna be hot and gross but so busy! I’m really gonna have to have my head on a swivel and map out all the booths and panels, I still might fuck it up. I caught up on Japanese, even did lessons, but I can’t shake the feeling I’m not taking me time lately. Sometimes when things get hectic I take a few minutes and just stare out the window, pacing idly as I clear my head with fresh views and air. I’m very fond of that downward dog exercise, especially when you extend slowly upwards for air. Me and him really talked, for the first time in forever it felt like he spoke his mind, maybe it was mean-spirited but I needed it. I was holding on to a stupid scrap of internet addiction, getting all the stimuli and abused notions from it. Diary I don’t want any weird shit at this con, I don’t want fights or feeling awkward or lost. I guess in a way it’s like I don’t even trust my stability. I cried diary, I got mad, I forced myself to draw and listen to AJJ, remember how ever since seeing them live the recorded albums never were quite right? Turns out they did PWCEP live, I got about halfway through before I had to set my stylus down I was sobbing so hard, or maybe my drawing was that bad 🙂 My anatomy’s getting better, seems I’m doing a better job blocking things out which is nice, even using it for anime hair isn’t always bad. I have this idea, I haven’t written it down so maybe putting keyboard to pixels is the best way to prevent forgetting it. It’s called ValveHead, it’s this story of a girl who’s twelve when she has a valve put on her head, she has to wear her hair in a bun to cover the thing up. It’s kinda like flcl meets R+V, I should honestly, even for a joke draw the conceptuals yknow? Even if it burned me out maybe one day I can do it, I’d love to put some of the stuff I think about here in a more visual medium. This isn’t exactly the ego-heavy dopamine-dripping entry I wanted to make but I’m happier having waited for a lul. Honestly, I could probably do with a nap, maybe some weird dreams.