I’m writing to you because I’m really stressed out, I struggle with letting things go, maybe writing to you will help? I had a dream my spider died, it made me really sad. I got my first laser appointment, go me yknow? Successfully being able to do it was so stressful, it’s a long drive, that’s kinda the biggest issue with it. Yet here I am sad. Sometimes if I think right, if I listen to the right music, I “slip” away. That’s when it feels the best, the border between me and the person I wanna be thins and everything feels so comfortable. Truthfully diary, I am still scared, there’s just no progress on the support front, in fact I kinda opened up and finally expressed my pain and worries and it just really damaged stuff….
I don’t blame them. I don’t really think there’s villains here or a better side, just like most irl stuff it’s shades of grey yknow? I get confused because people don’t reach out, but then I always do and can’t help but feel so unfairly treated. Saying it reads of borderline “why can’t everyone be me” but, it does feel like so many people i have in my life are “passive” ….it’s possible me encountering the issue says something about me. But how do I someone who punishes themselves,pushes themselves, properly dissect what is and isn’t me?
I wrote that last night before drawing a person squeezing a biiig shark plushie. Was that really the result of me “drawing how I felt” or was that merely “I’ve wanted to draw this for weeks”? It was nice though, it felt like it really levitated the pressure I was feeling
Anyways, that’s my thoughts the last few days, a local record store is doing an event where you can play a song, I think it might be kinda fun! Thanks for being there for me diary, I wish I had the answers but I suppose if I did everything would be easy. Maybe by learning this I’ll get what I want or truly need, who knows.