Heyhey Diary,

It’s nice to speak with you again, after all so much went down since, I nuked things and set things back in a reasonable place, well I say reasonable because I of course had to figure out what was going on within me, I felt those same feelings well up again, those same fears. You remember how a long time ago I mentioned that for some reason I don’t appreciate those who love while chasing those who don’t? I think I forgot that was even an issue I was having, talking to some people really helped iron that out, feels a lot better. People told me to focus inwards, which I feel undermines the issue, undermines everything I’ve felt for months. But ultimately yknow it’s not so bad, in a way they were right, I’m caring way too much, I want these things from these people who, and this is not a dig an insult or vindictive statement in any way, can’t give them. I let it eat me alive, I recognize I’m not entitled to it, I knew the entire time, but I still felt hurt and it overran everything. Just as my art, my creating and modifying. All of it has to come from me. I do have people who provide what I need, I stupidly forget them in favor of a chase I’ll never win. I’m going to try interacting more and recognizing those people more than those who cannot or will not (Unfortunately some are in the latter category, I do not blame them) todays busy, but I have a strong spark in me, I hope I get the downtime to execute it, I wanna draw today! I wanna do! I’ll put up the old sketches soon, I wish WP didn’t make it a pain to post em all~