Hey Diary,
Been a rough week right? I go test my bike the night before dropping it off at the shop, then the day I actually do it for real I wreck! Well, wreck is an over exaggeration, drop, slide, fall, you know how bad it was so I guess I don’t have to explain it to you. The art lessons suck, I hate them, I get that I need line strength, I get that starting from scratch will allow me to build up, to be better, to make things that aren’t dragged down by themselves, paper is such a strange medium, yet so pleasant, I’ll stick with them though, kind of therapeutic, if repetitive. Diary, people are strange, perhaps I’m strange, I’d prefer that to anything else. Diary I hope I can do this, I mean I’m human so if another human can draw, be a biker, do makeup and nails and rock the morbid aesthetic I’m sure it’s possible! Sometimes, however I forget that, I go back to the old ways of thinking and wondering if I’m unable, if I couldn’t possibly make this work, it’s going to be so hard. I’m proud of myself for Japanese lately, my speeds a lot better on retention, progress is steady and stable, I do wish my mornings didn’t get consumed by things I’m attempting to fix this year, I sent a message, you know the one so with any luck they’ll contact me and BOOM a bit of discomfort and I’ll have allll my morning for hair and makeup, I’m kind of excited for it tbh! Sometimes this feels like hell, like last life I was really mean and had everything I wanted, so this time I have to do every single thing to get it all and even then never the full amount, but mathematically, I’m in my 20s, if things get easier soon then I can pursue all the other shit for like, i dunno, 60 years? Being old might be weird, it probably won’t hit me immediately, I wonder what my midlife crisis will be? “oh gosh i didn’t do enough!” “oh wait, I did EVERYTHING, kinda” maybe my midlife crisis will be….maybe I won’t have one, that’d be pleasant. Do you think I’ll pass away young? How young? I hope not, I’m working towards baseline here and I want to surpass that, cause honestly after that I just wanna help others yknow? I think it’s really sweet to donate stuff, like I think about finding or establishing a rabbit shelter, how much of myself i’d pour into that. I owe rabbits a lot so I’d quite like to help them back. Remember how that friend in High School had his post apocalyptical novel? Remember how it was just kinda the most generic writing out there? I really enjoyed learning about press on nails, so excited to try them! it’ll be so so so fun! I gotta remember that happiness and hope is a habit, that days like these make it all okay, all worth it. I’m listening to clair de lune, but I’m a total poser when it comes to classical. I couldn’t tell you the name of more than like, three composers. Anyways, that’s it for today, see you next time diary.