Hey Diary, it’s me again. If I’m writing here then I guess it means I bottomed out, I do this sometimes, I forget where I am but….honestly right now I’m feeling I lost everyone, none of these connections feel rich or healthy and my paranoia is pulling me to places I don’t like to return to. God I’ve been bad, I’ve been so bad, i skipped my meds and supplements three days, the things that were supposed to help my mind relax and I fucked myself. I miss everyone so much and everyone pulled away, it makes me want to push but I know that’s wrong, I’m ideating again like an idiot, I don’t understand why I feel sad and wrong. Why do I feel like a failure when I’m only succeeding, how do I make friends? How can I replace these people. I want to, it’s not right for me, they’re all so distant they don’t understand me and they don’t want to talk why am I doing this again why do I keep letting this happen. God I need professional help.