Been a while since an impulse has left me smitten. Developed a new strategy based on bad habits, procedure has made me more rabid. I don’t really know or understand what I’m feeling right now, the more words I expel the more out of this world I bow. Maybe it’s numbness, maybe isolation taking root like a fungus. Maybe it’s idolatry, maybe it’s a fragile sense of self that I just can’t identify. Frankly my heart is heavy, my inhales have pangs of a minty chill that isn’t painful or a burden but is enough to notice and it refuses to leave. I don’t want to talk about myself to anyone anywhere, I’m so vocal usually but now I’m just deflecting every chance I get. I don’t want to talk about myself, write about myself, I barely want to write about anything or talk to anyone. Yet I’m here.

I’m here spilling my guts out on the one thing I come back to over and over and over…. my therapist might have a health issue, I can’t help but worry about the nature of a relationship like that. Asking so much from someone who could be…..

there’s a lot on my mind, I just don’t have the words. I’m sorry I don’t.