The following is a collection of some works I never published, I know I talk about writing from raw emotion but these posts were written very much in the middle of arguments or breakdowns. I hope that in them you can see a bit of yourself and maybe come up with a better way to handle tough situations. The third entry in this post I just finished writing, it’s a book end to the previous two, separate works. Showing my mindset in the current moment. I hope it can help you in some way!
November 1st, 2019 2:17 pm
Get a life coach
They’ll help you line up a good approach
I keep tying to figure out how I could, when my path seems so radically different from others.
What if I’m too different?
What if that’s a sign that I can’t succeed?
What if I’m just stuck.
I’m trying pretty hard to not think I’m broken, but I’ve been feeling that way a lot.
Sometimes I have bad thoughts about pulling back everything. Deleting every account and just running I don’t even feel proud of anything because it all feels so basic. I look up to people just to despise their outlook, I know to seperate the art from the artist but it always seems so fundemental. I’m scared I’m never going to move past all this and really make something. Maybe that’s my fault, truthfully I wouldn’t care as long as my job didn’t make me think of suicide and if money wasn’t so tight.
October 29th 2019 4:57 pm
I exhale and shouts echo back
A response that highlights the understanding that they lack
You sold me comfort support and love
My dumb ego bought in with every chip above
I try to break free but my fragile wings are the size of a dove’s.
You snap my neck and cuddle the corpse with a glove.
I trudge through mountain city snow passively reflecting on my past,
Doing my best to satiate all these cravings that only last.
Every bad parent day, every self abuse,
every poor choice, every thought of a noose.
I hate how you explode at me then reel me back in with love.
Put blame on me to make me feel bad just to hold me and tell me how great you think I am.
“You do so much for me”
“I’m glad I have you”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you”
Contemplating ties, shattered frozen heartstrings stinging with every reverberation of the cuts you inflict
I stumble and falter every time, different face and name,
Hobbies, interests, vehicle, asshole all the same.
Intruding on my future, holding dependencies over my head like a keep-a-way game.
I didn’t ask for your help just so you could hold my heart hostage
using fear to keep me captive
I have a lot to consider. Right now it’s winter. Has me feeling bitter. Haven’t heard a pitter patter in a moment I’m alive. Hoping that you understand right now there’s no chemical I wanna imbibe. I’ve got self acceptance from adolescence. Finally captured the essence and I know that it’s going to be tough. Life’s kinda boring if the paths not rough but I’m trying to be me, I’ve got a lot of scratches I’ve got to try and buff. I want to take my licks like a champ, smile on my face. Look back on this all like a man from outer space and I think I can. That’s the difference, glass half-full took a pound plus 6, finally learned I can smile and be a witch.