Thinking about this nightmare, with my dad in a room.
Thinking about when he said to me “I gave up so much just for you”
Thinking about the solemn rejection on his face
Thinking about what I said.
Thinking about the truths I released, that’d make him wish I were dead.
I’m playing a game with a tutorial that states to me “it’s fine”
continues on to say to me “I didn’t worry, I figured it out in no time!”
Flashback with a familiar scene, the statements are the same
The only difference is the tutorial is playing the tutorial’s mom’s game.
I don’t think I understand, the difficulty curve, I think things are too complicated,
and I think families are a bit absurd.
Nobody wants to admit how unsure they really are, I think family figures are too prideful to admit they’re trying really hard.
Maybe deep down they’re convinced they’ve figured it all out, and that their assumptions are so correct, they don’t have any doubts.
Part of me hopes they feel the same way I do, they just psych themselves up.
So they hardly ever lose.
Life is complicated, the data’s everywhere.
I’m terrified of what comes next, I’m tired of being scared.
Sometimes existence is a system, and you’re a process too.
We all just want a rest period, but nothing comes quite through.
Maybe I’m an outlier, maybe your dreams are nice.
Maybe you don’t focus on it, that must be kinda nice.
Maybe it’s cruelty then, that I hope you do think twice.
May 10th, 2018 10:46pm