It doesn’t feel right, even my panic attacks feel unfulfilling now, and what kills me is I see it, and I can’t do anything but wait and wonder when it will happen when this all reaches it’s peak. I wanna rebel, and fuck this shit up, break the chain but I know what happens when you do. I’m just trying to figure this shit out, I haven’t slept in two days like…I’m going to this fucking new continent for what this awkward guy who i don’t even know, how does this benefit me? Is it really worth the answers i want? With my friends it’s the same way, asking me why I’ve gone away I say it’s because of lost time and other excuses that i feel are benign but I’m aware how distant it all seems now, and there’s a division in my heart…..wow I kinda feel lost, and I kinda feel alone, even though this new place should appear to be a home. I don’t feel safe crying, I don’t feel safe to express, how many emotions can i keep compressed? I got a DM asking if I was okay, and I abused social engineering because I knew it’d be better that way, same excuses, same sob story, and somehow to me depression doesn’t get boring. I don’t have release, at least anything fulfilling. Daydreams increased but all it does is tax me like billing.
June 20th, 2016 2:48am
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